I’ve had so much on my mind, and so much to say, but I’ve been hesitating. I’m not quite sure how to explain everything, or explain in a way that’s clear. There’s been transitions, new and unexpected interests, and strange happenings. I’ve found myself somewhat lost in something that feels so connected and real.
It seemed to begin with my husband being flooded with synchronicities, and for apparently the first time ever. It’s been a huge challenge for him to try to not make sense out of them, and more importantly not be fearful of them. He’s a thinker, often an over-thinker, as I can be too but in a very different way. I’ve always experienced synchronicities, and often, and I’ve taken them as signs, omens, and messages–all beautiful and miraculous to my mind. We’re wondering if maybe it has to do with a spiritual emergence of some sort.
As my readers know, I’ve been searching for that perfect lifestyle–perfect for my family at least. And more recently I’ve mentioned learning from the ancients, and the death of spirituality in our society. In other words, we’re learning, and something has changed that’s leading me, and my husband, in a new direction.
We’re book readers. And Jared recently went through all of his books, packing most away (many books of literary criticism and others left from his Masters in English Lit. program), because they no longer fit with the way that we’re looking at life.
We’ve been researching spirituality and religion, which I’ve found to be two very different things, however beautifully they occasionally harmonize. Peter Owen Jones’ “Around the World in 80 Faiths” made it into our nightly routine the past month (the nights that we could fit it in), along with some documentaries on Buddhism, Islam, and Christianity. I’ve been fascinated, unexpectedly.
We left Fae for the first time late July for 2 hours to attend a Native American Healing Circle, led by a women who Jared was strangely led to, again, by way of synchronisities. I was inspired, and decided that night to meditate a little, asking my spirit guides for additional signs. Later that night I was awoken by one of Fae’s dolls, at the foot of the bed, playing its lullaby. I threw it off the bed and that was that. I should have been more clear.
Two nights ago Jared and I were on our evening walk with Fae when I pointed out a fireball-like object flying above us, across the sky at a steady height and pace, with absolutely no sound, and coasting at about the height of a low plane. It wasn’t a comet. It wasn’t a satellite. And it wasn’t a plane. I’ve always searched the sky, wondering if I’d ever see anything unusual, and hoping desperately that I wouldn’t. There was nowhere to hide, all I could do was hope with all of my heart that it didn’t stop, that it wouldn’t see me, and that we were safe from this unknown flying object.
So yesterday morning I decided to begin reading the Bible, after a discussion with Jared about my feeling that I need a “filter,” something to parse and frame my very imaginative sense of my own spirituality, and maybe a religion could work that way for me. I’ve been reading the Egyptian Book of the Dead, Supernatural by Graham Hancock, and am about to read the Gnostic Texts. We’re also planning to read the Vedas. Jared is interested in the Kabbala, and we’ll eventually get to the Koran.
And I want to mention that lately (after reading Graham Hancock) I haven’t been thinking of UFO’s as spaceships from other planets carrying aliens. There are a lot of theories about UFO’s, and I find myself leaning towards those that aren’t really talked about that much–that they may have something to do with spirituality, altered states of consciousness, and visionary experiences. There are just too many legitimate experiences connecting them to shaman initiations, trances, and ayahuasca trips to say that they’re unequivocally “solid,” and from other places in the universe. I believe that they’re incredibly interesting, frightening still, and that we, as of yet, have absolutely no idea what these things are.
I always thought of myself as spiritual, never as religious. And honestly, I feel like I just believe, or belive in, so much (faeries, other realms, God, multiple gods, angels, nature spirits, Jesus, Muhammad, ghosts, Buddha) that maybe I would benefit from focusing my beliefs. Life feels wild, and my husband feels ungrounded, and we’re in the middle of some sort of shift. I want to root my spirituality. I’m not sure if it’ll take the shape of a religion, and I have no idea where this research will lead. But I’m looking forward to learning and experimenting.
Fae is pulling her books out of her shelf on our bookshelf. I must put them back at least five times a day. I guess she’s a book-reader too. It’s absolutely adorable to watch her read to herself, mimicking us, and pointing out the dog, the moon, or the duck.
The other day, after trying to put some socks on, she brought a single sock and a pair of socks over to Jared and held them up and said “Boou” so that he’d put them on for her. She said the same thing to get us to open her bag of toys too.