I’ve been living partially in a dream world–not my literal night-time dream world of course, that’s never been a place that I could bare. But, nevertheless, the past couple weeks have felt a bit dreamlike, or perhaps “escapist” would be a better word–that’s not to say that I’ve run away or hidden myself. It’s more that I’ve taken some quiet time, reveried a little on what’s upcoming in my life. As I’ve been lying in bed each night, with Fae snuggled peacefully into my side, and Jared listening to music next to us, I try to picture what I truly want before falling asleep. And it’s been more of a challenge than I possibly could have expected.
I’ve felt a little lost lately, not so lost as I’ve felt in the past, and it hasn’t been as bad an experience as it sounds. It’s been interesting, and somewhat perplexing. I guess it’s just a turning point for me–one from wife and mom, utterly wife and mom (positions that I feel stable in, and have solely focused on this past year), back to myself (myself and wife and mom).
What I truly want next is a little hazy. And how can I expect my dreams to happen if I can’t completely picture them?
So that’s what I’ve been doing–trying to visualize what I truly want for myself–emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and even materially. I need to know what to wish for next.
Fae is on the couch with Daddy, talking into my phone–that I can’t seem to keep away from her. We’re watching a horrible musical that I’m too ashamed to mention. I think we’ll be turning it off.