I imagined beginning to try to get pregnant with my second child right around the time that Fae would turn two. I hoped that it wouldn’t take very long, because I remember the disappointment and sadness that I felt, the few months while trying for our first, each time I found that I wasn’t pregnant. It’s hard for me to be patient when I have my mind set on something, and wanting a baby is a huge desire.
I feel as though a miracle has happened. With Jared’s struggles this past year (with OCD that’s purely in his mind with no outside traces, mixed with paranoia) I wasn’t sure if he’d be able to commit to the decision to have our second. His struggles haven’t affected Fae in any way, so I was still comfortable with keeping our plan, knowing that I (and we) truly want more children, more than anything else.
Just after Fae’s birthday Jared was feeling alright and we decided to stop trying not to have a baby, and had it in our minds that we were about to begin trying. But soon after, life got a little harder for him again and he found himself in another valley.
Somehow, and with understanding the basics of fertility and when it’s most possible to conceive, I did become pregnant during that tiny amount of time, with the odds completely against us.
We couldn’t be more grateful. Jared was so incredibly happy to hear the news, we were both surprised, and I’ve just been living in amazement and feeling so blessed.
I have the hope again that seemed to fade away this past year–hope that it still is possible for anything that I deeply want to happen, and seemingly just because I want it enough. The world is working in my favor, and I know now that I haven’t become lost to my connection with the greater. I can trust that even hard times can–and will–bring miracles.
Fae is nursing on my lap in her diaper, with a tiny speck of glitter on her eyelid. Even though it’s September we’re having a hot day in the 90’s, which is pretty unusual for New Hampshire. Although, New Hampshire is also known for its strange weather.